


Questions of Edibility

by KieraVenic



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bandit abuse, Gen, Goofy - Freeform, Mushrooms, Poor Life Choices, Questionable Choices, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 21:57:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3545219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KieraVenic/pseuds/KieraVenic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Friends being doofy together.) A brief stop in Crestwood to make camp leads to some questions of safety when it comes to Sera’s appetite. A few bandits may never be the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Questions of Edibility

**Author's Note:**

> This little gem is based off of an actual conversation that two co-workers and I had through our cube walls. … I was the one encouraging the eating of dubious food. I’m a bad person. I’m not sorry.

In the alleys of the cities or the dusty roads of a village, Sera was a savvy companion to have at one’s side, no one could deny that. Her street smarts were a tactical advantage that made their rare encounters in tight quarters or crowded areas a much easier affair.

When it came to the wilds, it was another matter entirely.

At the edge of their camp in Crestwood, Sera turned something over in her hands. “I don’t know… You think I should be eating this?”

Whatever _this_ was, it was held aloft, but Taryn Lavellan could not see it over the tops of the tents. Her eyes squinted uncomfortably. Not far away Varric smirked and leaned closer to Dorian. “This ought to be good.”

“If she projectile vomits I am standing behind you,” the Mage grumbled.

It was Harding who was the first to reply. “… Any time one of you asks me about odd food situations I am going to have to say no.”

Curiosity got the best of her and Taryn rose to poke her head around the edge of the tent between them. Crouched, Sera turned a clump of berries over and over in her hands. One was brought to her nose and sniffed before it was dropped back into her palm.

“Pieces of shite smell like nuthin’, even when I pop em.”

“Smell usually doesn’t tell you if berries are safe.” Behind her, Harding peeked over the Elf’s shoulder, face twisted with concern. Green eyes darted towards the bush of berries in question.

Sera snorted. “Course it does. Tells you they’re old.”

With a shake of her head, Harding moved away, giving a sigh. “Age isn’t exactly the problem. They could be toxic.” Most likely she was trying to remove herself from a situation that could end up with Sera twitching on the ground. Taryn often pitied the poor woman tasked with meeting them out in the field. More than one of Taryn’s usual companions left the woman staring worriedly.

In effort to spare their lead Scout, Taryn approached and crouched by the bush. A leaf was plucked and rolled between her fingers. The edges were smooth, the leaf covered in soft velvet hairs. A glance at the stalks told her they were covered in long thin tines. The bush was not something you wanted to fall into, that was much was certain. The berries themselves were dark in color, purplish.

One was deftly snatched from Sera’s hand and she rocked away, hands clutched to her chest. “Oy! Get yer own berries. Mooching bugger.” Her tongue poked out, darting back in faster than Taryn could grab the tip.

“Yeah, I learned. I know what you’re about.”

Taryn’s expression was innocent. “No idea what you mean.” The rogue’s fingers twitched and Sera eyed the Inquisitor suspiciously.

Years of living the wilds had taught well the lessons of what was safe and what was to be avoided. While the berries were unfamiliar to Taryn they lacked the usual warning signs she looked for in a toxic plant. A nail slit the skin of the berry and she tapped a droplet of the juice to her tongue. Her tongue watered at the mildly sweet juice that lacked the chemical tang common to some toxic plants.

Carefully, she pushed her devious smile down. Deceptively casual, she tossed the berry to the grass. “Think it’s fine.”

The word fine was hardly out of her mouth before Sera was happily popping berries in her mouth. Both touched and horrified, Taryn watched her eat. Beyond the disturbing way that Sera stuffed her face, three little words after a cursory exam and Sera was willing to put trust for her safety in Taryn. Until now, Taryn had not truly thought of what her position meant in terms of her companions. They were putting their lives in her hands. With each choice and word she said, their futures were at stake. Humility dampened her humor.

Some distance away, Harding watched, one side of her face crinkled in nervous worry. “You two are going to die.”

Taryn lifted her hands in a shrug. “I eat weird stuff all the time that I probably shouldn’t and I’m fine.” Life in the wilds of the Free Marches had led to more than one odd meal. There were times when her clan had had to get creative with dinner.

“Yeah!” Sera shouted with her mouth full of berries. “Some of us grew up digging through trash for food. Ever eat a rat? Stringy.”

Various sounds of horror and disgust echoed through the camp. Taryn watched her requisition officer’s face draw in revulsion before she hurried away to find something to do in effort to escape the situation. Somewhere Dorian made a gagging sound.

“What? You eat nugs. Giant hairless rats, those are.”

Defensively, Harding crossed her arms, freckled face drawn into a frown. “They’re related to rabbits and they don’t live in filth… usually.”

“Whatever you say.” More berries were plucked from the bush and happily scarfed down. It was truly amazing how much Sera was capable of putting away for such a small frame. By the time they moved out to begin their mission, chances were the poor bush would be stripped entirely of berries.

“Blackwall wasn’t kidding about your appetite,” Taryn said ruefully as she stood to return to her gear.

Fingers callused from years of archery methodically stripped the bush of its fruit. “Can’t help it. Stomach growls, you put food in it. Makes sense, don’it?”

“Right, well if you die it’s not my fault.”

Eyes narrowed with worried anger spun on her. With a laugh, Taryn danced out of reach of the hand that tried to snag her with berry stained fingers. Much to the chagrin of the others, Sera’s presence had the habit of bringing Taryn’s more playful nature to the surface. Where her advisors, and companions, had hope Taryn might temper Sera’s habit of being insufferably impish, it was becoming apparent that Sera was instead dragging Taryn into her hooliganism.

“If I die I’m going to have a note that says, “Taryn told me it was okay”! Not funny! Are these toxic? Oy! Come ‘ere! Woman! Elf!”

“You’ll see!”

A handful of berries plinked off the back of her head as she darted around her tent to safety. Frustrated grumbles filtered through the fabric. Then, after a few quiet moments, Taryn heard the distinctive rustle of leaves and the light snap of stems. She grinned.

The heavy plod of boots announced Varric’s arrival. “You really sure she would be eating those?”

“I am ninety percent sure that those berries are safe for her to eat. Though… It does make me nervous to see her eating so many… If they are that ten percent…” Her grin fell and deft fingers paused in tying up the flaps and pockets of her pack as Taryn glanced towards Sera, teeth worrying her lip.

Varric followed her gaze, his haggard face warmed with a smile. “I am sure it will be fine. We trust you.”

“I know,” Taryn whispered. “It’s frightening.”

Silence stretched between them. In effort to distract herself, Taryn finished packing, checking and rechecking her supplies. Doubts picked at her thoughts and made the normally smooth and methodical possess falter. She was nearly finished when Varric spoke again.

“You have a good head on your shoulders, Girly. We trust you because you’re worthy of it. Don’t be so hard on yourself, hm?” A rough hand patted her shoulder before he stepped away.

Warmth bloomed from the touch and Taryn lay her hand where his had been. “I’ll try,” she murmured. “I only hope I can continue to be worthy of it.”

“Now that is poisonous! Don’t touch that!” Harding’s voice echoed across the camp, followed by the smack of skin to skin.

“Ow! Oy! What’s wrong with you, crazy woman!?”

_What I’d give for five minutes where someone wasn’t misbehaving…_

With a sigh, Taryn pushed to her feet. Pack slung over her shoulder she rounded the tents to find Sera crouched by a cluster of white mushrooms. Alarmed, she hardly noticed when her pack slipped off and hit the dirt.

“Sera! You didn’t touch those, did you?”

Suspicious eyes squinted at her. “Not yet. If you wanna to save them for yerself, that’s not happening. I found em, they get in my belly.” Eager fingers wiggled over the patch.

An earlier thrown berry was plucked from the grass and lobbed back at the original owner. “No, you dolt! Sera, those are deadly. They have a… what’s the word… neurotoxin? A neurotoxin that gets in through your skin and destroys your brain.”

For a moment, Sera stared at her, and then her face broke into a wild grin that spoke of impending shenanigans. Worry scrunched Taryn’s face. “Sera…”

“Neurotoxins… I think I know some bandits that might like that.”

“Sera, what are you—”

Arrows were grabbed from their quiver by the fistful. One by one, Sera stabbed each into a mushroom, spearing the fungus onto the ends.

“—doing…?”

A nudge of her boot and Sera broke off the stems. With a crow of success, she held a fistful of shroom arrows aloft. “Behold!”

“… Please tell me you’re not thinking of roasting those…”

“… Will that make them edible? Because if it will make them edible th—”

“No it won’t make them edible!”

Dear Creators… Sometimes being Inquisitor felt more like being a mother; The mother of a group of completely incompatible, insane, deadly, and moody children. She recalled an argument between Solas, Dorian and Blackwall that had left her literally threatening to turn the party around lest she start grabbing ears.

Chances were the smack of skin behind her was the sound of Dorian’s face meeting his hand. As it was, Harding had finally tossed up her hands and walked off with a shake of her head. She could hardly blame the woman.

The mushrooms were given a disappointed pout that lasted perhaps three seconds before Sera’s expression melted back into mischievous glee. With a cackle, Sera plucked a bee grenade from her belt thrusting it up into the air, toxic shroom arrows held aloft in the other. “Bring it, uglies! Stupid shite bandits won’t know what hit ‘em!”

A resounding whoop and Sera took off into the brush.

“Sera! Dang it!” With a scowl of little heart, Taryn snatched up her pack and scrambled after the other woman. “Here we go again…”

Behind her she heard the trot of her other companions. Varric sighed, but his voice was light with humor, “We’re all going to die.”

Ahead they heard nothing but the buzz of bees and screams of panic amid maniacal cackles.

**Author's Note:**

> (Fun fact, when I googled if edibility was a word, the first thing that came up was edible mushrooms.)
> 
> And the conversation that inspired this…
> 
> Arielle: I don’t know… do you think I should be eating this?  
> Brittany: … Any time you ask me about odd food situations I’m going to have to say no.  
> Me: *Shouts through cubicle wall* It’s fine!  
> Arielle: Okay!  
> Brittany: You two are going to die.  
> Me: I eat weird stuff all the time that I shouldn’t and I’m fine.  
> Arielle: yay!  
> Me: …… But if you die it’s not my fault.  
> Arielle: D: … If I die I’m going to have a note that says “Janelle told me it was okay.”
> 
> Joel [4:47 PM]:  
> Taryn, Sera and Scout Harding. That is all
> 
> (And yes, Arielle is still alive. See? I said it was fine. =X )


End file.
